You are utterly devoid of Russian soul. You are so far removed from my Russian nature that I’m surprised you can even understand me when I speak English to you. I pity you.
Oh dear. And I have the nerve to say I know a little about Russia? How deluded I must be…
I am, however, 60% of the way towards impersonating a Big Russian Soul. So, I guess I should be quite happy.
What is a Big Russian Soul, you ask? Well, here’s what the gurus at BigRussianSoul.org have to say:
As everyone knows, the Russian soul is no ordinary, workaday, quotidian soul. Heavens, no! Russia is a great land with a great and tragic history. Stretching from the most comical arctic wastes of Chukotiya to the balmiest Black Sea shores, from Lake Baikal (oldest, deepest, coldest) to the majestic streets of St. Petersburg Russia is a land of superlatives, of unimaginable distances and life-threatening climactic extremes.
What’s more, there is the tragic-glorious history of the Russian people themselves: trampled by Tartars, marauded by Mongols, pummeled by Poles, lashed by Lithuanians, swatted by Swedes, challenged by Chechens, bullied by Bolsheviks…and, heck, that’s just for starters!!! Could such a country, such a history, produce an ordinary soul? The kind of soul an ordinary country produces? Of course, not. Such a country could only produce the Big Russian Soul.